A 2–5 defeat to TDS. These things happen — drown it at The Cock Inn.

On the scoresheet: Jack C (brace).

Man of the Match? No argument: James O. Moment of the night — Ash for his amazing David Seaman save. Pure larceny between the sticks.

No Donkey this week — a clean record. It won't last.

The football was just the warm-up; The Cock Inn was the main event.