Tom/Matt for both being next to the ball and both acting like it was a landmine and leaving it for the other one

Josh for passing the ball to their striker more than any More Horsed player

Drew for trying to kick the ball left…. And hit it top bins in the big goal on the right

Jack M/James for, to quote Adam: “That fucking catastrophe of a goal between them two”

Ryan evolving into his mega evolution form - MEGA ANGRY RYAN

Josh for missing 7 one on ones

Jack - the post saw more of his balls than his missus ever has

Eddie for taking a shot that went so high it created another solar eclipse

Bingbong for not showing up

Jack for prioritising his Mrs over Horsed FC (and Nikki for having a birthday on a Tuesday)

Josh for ruining his own clean sheet by sticking a toe out and turning in a shot that was going well wide

Drew for trying to throw the ball to them for a corner but ended up lobbing it top bins

Matt and Ryan for poor choice of clothing items…. Ryan for choosing to wear a thick woollen top in a 30 degree heatwave and Matt for having no football boots so wore trainers

George for not knowing the train times

Harry for not scoring in a 9 goal thriller

Eddie for trying to lob the keeper from the halfway line….successfully did this… but also lobbed the nearby neighbourhood

George for turning up late just in time for the 2nd half….. played a little bit and then got sent off

Sam — got caught from behind by WG twice when one-on-one. 0 pace stat

Adam — their player did some retarded kick to him…. and Adam decided to out retard him by doing an even more retarded kick back

Eddie's penalty miss

Ozzy playing their striker a perfect through ball

Dan's first kick of the game chipping 2 foot off the ground and going straight to their striker

Eddie's shot on the edge of the D making it to Sainsbury's Car Park

James taking a throw in that didn't come in — it was so bad the ref gave the oppo the throw in

Dan and Eddie squabbling like a pair of school girls in a playground

Eddie and Isaac both attempting and failing rainbow flicks

Steven punting it off the pitch when we were 3 on 1 through on goal

James misplaced a corner, which luckily fell to Adam who yeeted his shot into orbit

Ash for getting taken out whilst trying to take out their player

Isaac getting out gymed by one of their players twice

Dan gift wrapping the ball to Big John, who hit it so hard it went into the multiverse

Josh regressing back 2 years

Sam having 4 hours to take a shot and still punted it straight at the keeper

Ash for being sick "just a little bit" next to the goal

Josh for passing to James but it didn't even leave the box and went out for a corner

Chandler taking more trips than Google Maps

Dan for conceding from the halfway line, his excuse for not moving his leg out of the way being 'I'm tired'

Ryan for missing a 1-on-1, then — after the keeper rolled it back for another go — missing that one too

Milian for his miss from the edge of the area with all the time in the world — that went into orbit

Jack M for getting sat down like a toddler wanting his dummy, then watching the ball lobbed over him

Jack M for getting flip-flapped by their player, who then banged the ball into the top corner

Maca for not getting Drew an assist with the best ball he has ever played in his life

Matt for storing his child in a hockey net whilst he played

Eddie for walking off mid game without telling anyone so Ben passed to him

Drew for doing a Josh

Chris for turning up with two right boots

Sam's atrocious finishing

Isaac for scoring an own goal within two minutes

Adriano for spending most of the game on the ground after his 89 slide tackles

Tom for continuing his streak of 1 injury per game played

Jack for missing three easy chances

Ash S for kicking the ball into his own face

Adriano for conceding a penalty by going in the box, then nearly conceding another by going back in the box celebrating the save

James for not coming to the pub as he was painting the guttering

Eddie for catching the ball a metre inside the lines thinking it was off the pitch

Sam - with his first kick of the game, boots the ball onto the next pitch

Jack for managing to sky the ball over the trees

Isaac for giving the ball away... then running back and twatting the ball out for a corner and celebrating it

Haydn's first five minutes playing like he was 'on crack'

Eddie for losing against the wind after 15 seconds and shouting "Oh it's quite difficult running into the wind"

James for getting cramp whilst doing the gymnastics

Milian faffing with the ball at the back leading to a goal

Ash for turning a shot off target into a goal with a perfect Cruyff turn into the net

Eddie and Isaac for missing multiple 1-on-1s

Sam and Ash for not being able to think of one

Eddie for hitting the Artemis II space shuttle with his shooting

Josh/Tom forgetting which Horsed team he was in and passing straight to their players

Ash S for doing the worm during the game

Matt for taking one calendar year to leave the pitch after subbing off

Josh for getting the ball on the edge of the box, taking 10 seconds stepping back, allowing their player to come back and tackle him

Haydn for taking the ball to the chest like a bullet in a scene reminiscent of a Saving Private Ryan scene

Ash for doing the worm as we were kicking off

Josh for taking a bet on Tom to score the first goal

Craig for gifting them their first goal (and his swing & miss at the back post)

everyone

Isaac for forgetting how to play football and faceplanting the floor in the first 5 minutes

Dan...

the ref for not spotting their player running so far in the box it was nearly an OG

Ash for failing a roulette against no-one

Ollie for stacking it just before they went through to score the equaliser

Dan for confusing the shirts and passing to the players in white

Joe's back heel to the touch line

James for getting nutmegged twice in 2 minutes. The Horsed crowd cheering on both occasions and their player laughing

Matt for tickling the D by passing the ball to the edge of the D rather than to James, falling perfectly for their player

Tom for backheeling the ball to their player as he wanted to test Josh's clean sheet status

Sam for putting the perfect cross for the oppo's first goal

Adam for getting two sin bins in one game for the same foul in the same place

James & Adam - both passing the ball to their striker who went on to score

Drew for taking the penalty before the ref blew his whistle and missing

Ash for doing the hard work by getting down to the shot but then allowing it to go through his arms. Jack for passing to a More Horsed player on the other pitch

Tom first 10 seconds - giving the ball to their player to score, then 30 seconds later doing the same thing

Ash for sunbathing on the edge of the area whilst their player took it off him to score

James for lubing his nips and them still bleeding after the game

Adam for being on a business call when the whistle blew to start the game

Eddie for trying to lob the keeper and it going over both fences

James for bleeding from both tits at the end of the game

Isaac for not playing because it was against a 'hard team'

Craig & Chandler for kicking each other at the end

Ash for giving the ball to their striker... and doing exactly the same thing 3 seconds later

Eddie for being his boss's Lake District rent boy

Drew for kicking the ball at James's bollocks

Dan for cunting the ball at Adam's head from two yards away

Eddie for trying to do a flick mid-air, failing and falling on the floor

Paul for stacking it within 20 seconds of the kick-off

Ash for turning up to a football game dressed as a gay bank robber

Ben's shot on target ratio being about 3%

Drew for getting nutmegged by the More Horsed donkey for the goal

Eddie for controlling it with his face when he would have been through

Josh for several howlers

Drew trying to kick the ball at Jack M as he was spectating, hitting the post and nearly scoring an own goal, then Haydn picking the ball up which should have been a hand ball

Jack for getting sin binned for saying a swear word, then getting sent off for refusing to go off and then kicking the goal post when he went off

Isaac for missing 17 one on ones

Sam and Haydn trying to kiss each other whilst an oppo was in between them

Wally with the Brolly Mary Poppins O'Kelly running to the game with his brolly open

Josh for his poor distribution and attempt at a scorpion kick that ended with him eating dirt

Haydn seeing his own ball out for a corner to them

Dan for getting sent off and threatened with being escorted off the premises for calling the ref a blind wanker

Ben for hitting the keeper's belly from the penalty spot

Haydn for not showing up in fear of fighting children... again

Jack M for smashing into a wall and bailing last minute

Sam for miskicking a shot which chipped up perfectly for a volley... for him to then volley it to the corner flag

Chris for getting tripped over by Casper the Ghost nowhere near the ball

Andy for missing the last minute 1-on-1 to win the game

Dan H for telling the ref he got a touch so it's a corner... everyone thought it was a goal kick including the oppo

James for blowing his nose as Eddie put him 1 on 1 and then Eddie shouting "James, stop blowing your fucking nose"

Ash S - Rhys subbed off for Ash, Ash came on without a bib, had to go off to get a bib, oppo scored during this calamity

spaff this off, everyone played well

Chris for taking a seat in the middle of the pitch

Ash S for saving the ball with his bollocks, and "just clipping the tip"

Drew for letting the ball roll under his foot

Dan / Jack: Dan for punting the ball above Jack's head multiple times, and Jack having a strop and catching the ball, narrowly avoiding a sin bin

Jack M for parking his car poorly, leading to it getting smashed into

the ref for giving them a penalty for a foul well inside our box

Eddie for getting sent off for cuddling a child

Ben for milking paternity leave

everyone and everything

the ref for giving a foul against Jack for a slide tackle on himself when he had the ball at his feet

Josh for trying to keep the game interesting by letting in two howlers in the final 10 minutes

Drew for trying to kick the ball in the woods twice. Once didn't make it over the fence. The other he had to find the ball in the bush

Ash for passing the ball to Adam 3 metres away, but it taking 28 minutes to get there

Jack M for choosing to give it to their striker to score rather than any of the other four options

Tom & Haydn for high fiving each other for blocking a shot, but the ball was still in play

Jack for then missing the chance after sending them for hot dogs

the ref — Jack and Eddie came off and refused to play in the future if he refs

Haydn for massaging his arse with a vibrator before the match

Jack for missing two of the easiest 1-on-1s Park House has ever seen

Jack M for turning slower than milk for one of their goals

Drew for turning into Bafetimbi Gomis crawling after the ball

Dan for blaming his defence (again) and then letting in a slow motion howler like Massimo Taibi

Eddie for being a greedy donkey and shooting from a corner that somehow went in

BingBong for hoofing all the refs balls into the woods

Ash for the one time he touched the ball he tripped over it and fell on his £8k camera

Jack M for playing a class through-ball to their striker for said 1 on 1

all memories of the game wiped from memory so nobody knows

James - first kick of the game hit the ball with the wrong foot and played them in. Adam - getting caught in 3 minds but chose the 4th option and just gave it to them

Ryan for throwing a hissy fit at the ref

Haydn and Tom for watching the ball while holding hands whilst their striker ran in and scored

Ash for slipping on the ball and continuing to roll on it for a further 3 miles

Eddie for getting sat down by a Ronaldo chop

Paul's shot that swerved to the corner flag

Chris for fumbling the ball out of play with nobody around him

Josh for bringing the ball on the pitch for a goal kick... and then dragging it off for a corner

BingBong for fumbling the ball out of play with nobody around him

Dan for going on holiday

Ash for standing on the ball whilst play had paused, and falling over the ball to injure himself

Sam for not coming to the pub because he had to pack for his holiday in 4 days

Ash for posting a horrendous pouting photo on Strava

everyone for arguing with the ref while the oppo played on and scored

Drew for watching the ball roll in his goal from a back pass rather than stopping it

the oppo striker continually lifting up his shorts

George for doing yoga mid-game

Sam nutmegging Craig and playing in the oppo to score

Dan's head loss after conceding a penalty and kicking the ball away in 'frustration'

Adam's god awful attempt at a flick

George for kicking the ball into Adam's throat

the whole team bar Josh for the ref shouting "just to let you know, you have to get it between the three white posts"

Sam for missing three one-on-ones

Tom for not coming to the pub all season

Dan for being our top scorer this week with two own goals

Eddie for getting nutmegged

Paul for choosing the races on a Tuesday evening