Every Tuesday, newest first. Older seasons without exact dates live on each team's page.
Stumpy flicked the ball over his head and finished in the bottom corner — all while Eddie chanted 'Stumpy' from the other pitch
Dan for conceding from the halfway line, his excuse for not moving his leg out of the way being 'I'm tired'
Ryan for missing a 1-on-1, then — after the keeper rolled it back for another go — missing that one too
Milian for his miss from the edge of the area with all the time in the world — that went into orbit
Jack M for getting sat down like a toddler wanting his dummy, then watching the ball lobbed over him
James/Stumpy for putting his thumb on the goal line — literally, after he dislocated his thumb
Jack M for getting flip-flapped by their player, who then banged the ball into the top corner
James and their midfielder having a three-legged race with their boots being caught together
Adriano for conceding a penalty by going in the box, then nearly conceding another by going back in the box celebrating the save
James for kicking a spare ball at the match ball perfectly as their player ran through
Isaac for giving the ball away... then running back and twatting the ball out for a corner and celebrating it
Eddie for losing against the wind after 15 seconds and shouting "Oh it's quite difficult running into the wind"
Ref for stroking Adam's leg whilst down injured
James for putting their striker on house arrest by sticking to him like shit on a blanket
Any of Ash's multiple worldy saves
Eddie's red card for running back and taking their player out as he was about to shoot
Ash taking on two players, passing to Jack, Jack nutmegging their guy for the 1-2, Ash with an outside of the boot finish
Josh for getting the ball on the edge of the box, taking 10 seconds stepping back, allowing their player to come back and tackle him
Haydn for taking the ball to the chest like a bullet in a scene reminiscent of a Saving Private Ryan scene
Chris stepping over the ball on the edge of the area from Matt's pass, sending the keeper the wrong way and the ball rolling into the net
Ash and Adam had beautiful flicks to Jack who didn't take the chances. Jack then scoring a screamer after their player shouted "he only has a right foot"
Everyone
A perfect chip over the keeper for our goal by their defender
Isaac for forgetting how to play football and faceplanting the floor in the first 5 minutes
Ref for not spotting their player running so far in the box it was nearly an OG
Charlotte for telling the ref to back off when he had a go at James's shooting
Quickest goal ever scored by any Horsed team after 8 seconds
James for getting nutmegged twice in 2 minutes. The Horsed crowd cheering on both occasions and their player laughing
Matt for tickling the D by passing the ball to the edge of the D rather than to James, falling perfectly for their player
Tom for back healing the ball to their player as he wanted to test Josh's clean sheet status
Drew for telling Ash to "snap Mr Universal Credit's legs", for him to then start at Eddie and invite him onto the pitch to try himself
Their defender doing a through ball to Jack for him to finish with the outside of the boot
Ash for doing the hard work by getting down to the shot but then allowing it to go through his arms. Jack for passing to a More Horsed player on the other pitch
Tom first 10 seconds - giving the ball to their player to score, then 30 seconds later doing the same thing
Ash for sunbathing on the edge of the area whilst their player took it off him to score
Oppo's one ultra doing nothing but shouting abuse the whole game
Adam's perfect cross to Jack to send the defender for hot dogs, and volleying the ball into the net
Eddie for smashing the ball into the car park and getting told off by golf club guy
Ash for giving the ball to their striker... and doing exactly the same thing 3 seconds later
Drew trying to kick the ball at Jack M as he was spectating, hitting the post and nearly scoring an own goal, then Haydn picking the ball up which should have been a hand ball
Jack for getting sin binned for saying a swear word, then getting sent off for refusing to go off and then kicking the goal post when he went off
Wally with the Brolly Mary Poppins O'Kelly running to the game with his brolly open
Final whistle
Josh for his poor distribution and attempt at a scorpion kick that ended with him eating dirt
Team effort for coming back from 3-1 down to 5-3 up within 10 minutes
Dan for getting sent off and threatened with being escorted off the premesis for calling the ref a blind wanker
—
Jack C for sending their defender left and right so many times he got lost... then finishing
Sam for miskicking a shot which chipped up perfectly for a volley... for him to then volley it to the corner flag
Ash and Dan for having a little temper tantrum bitch off on the sideline during the game
Dan H for telling the ref he got a touch so it's a corner... everyone thought it was a goal kick including the oppo
James for blowing his nose as Eddie put him 1 on 1 and then Eddie shouting "James, stop blowing your fucking nose"
Ash S - Rhys subbed off for Ash, Ash came on without a bib, had to go off to get a bib, oppo scored during this calamity
Spaff this off, everyone played well
James for his unintended skill by missing it with his right foot and hitting it with his left, going perfectly to Jack
The ref for giving them a penalty for a foul well inside our box
Everyone and everything
The ref for giving a foul against Jack for a slide tackle on himself when he had the ball at his feet
Josh for trying to keep the game interesting by letting in two howlers in the final 10 minutes
Drew for trying to kick the ball in the woods twice. Once didn't make it over the fence. The other he had to find the ball in the bush
Jack M for choosing to give it to their striker to score rather than any of the other four options
Good team goal to go 1 up which gave us false hope
Dan for blaming his defence (again) and then letting in a slow motion howler like Massimo Taibi
All memories of the game wiped from memory so nobody knows
James - first kick of the game hit the ball with the wrong foot and played them in. Adam - getting caught in 3 minds but chose the 4th option and just gave it to them
First goal, flicks galore with a great finish by Jack M
Josh for bringing the ball on the pitch for a goal kick... and then dragging it off for a corner
Final whistle
Ash for standing on the ball whilst play had paused, and falling over the ball to injure himself
Everyone for arguing with the ref while the oppo played on and scored
Them for kicking the shit out of us and claiming we went down like a sack of potatoes
The oppo striker continually lifting up his shorts
George for booting the ball into the opposition's testicles so hard he had to go in goal
The whole team bar Josh for the ref shouting "just to let you know, you have to get it between the three white posts"
The Malta trio for not being able to run
The water break
Sam for attempting to take it round a player but ended up backlheeling it off the pitch
The ref for informing us before the game that the opposition were allowed to swear at him because they're "uneducated"
The oppo's shooting - ref had to switch ends because they ran out of balls
Steve for getting nutmegged, and also hoofing the ball into the goal on the other pitch
Ash for shouting "I am fucking tracking him" and then that player scoring immediately
Drew for passing straight to their player who scored. And also for wearing ankle socks
Their best player for swan diving and claiming a penalty when Steven didn't touch him
Ash for turning into Jens Lehmann making a crucial save in the last minute of the game
Good team goal that went through every player
Good build up play, good assist, good finish. Top team goal
No donkey
