So Horsed FC

Milian for his miss from the edge of the area with all the time in the world — that went into orbit

Maca for not getting Drew an assist with the best ball he has ever played in his life

Drew for doing a Josh

Sam's atrocious finishing

Tom for continuing his streak of 1 injury per game played

Adriano for conceding a penalty by going in the box, then nearly conceding another by going back in the box celebrating the save

Sam - with his first kick of the game, boots the ball onto the next pitch

Haydn's first five minutes playing like he was 'on crack'

Milian faffing with the ball at the back leading to a goal

Sam and Ash for not being able to think of one

Ash S for doing the worm during the game

Haydn for taking the ball to the chest like a bullet in a scene reminiscent of a Saving Private Ryan scene

Craig for gifting them their first goal (and his swing & miss at the back post)

Dan...

Ollie for stacking it just before they went through to score the equaliser

James for getting nutmegged twice in 2 minutes. The Horsed crowd cheering on both occasions and their player laughing

Sam for putting the perfect cross for the oppo's first goal

Drew for taking the penalty before the ref blew his whistle and missing

Ash for sunbathing on the edge of the area whilst their player took it off him to score

Eddie for trying to lob the keeper and it going over both fences

Craig & Chandler for kicking each other at the end

Drew for kicking the ball at James's bollocks

Paul for stacking it within 20 seconds of the kick-off

Drew for getting nutmegged by the More Horsed donkey for the goal

Drew trying to kick the ball at Jack M as he was spectating, hitting the post and nearly scoring an own goal, then Haydn picking the ball up which should have been a hand ball

Sam and Haydn trying to kiss each other whilst an oppo was in between them

Haydn seeing his own ball out for a corner to them

Haydn for not showing up in fear of fighting children... again

Sam for miskicking a shot which chipped up perfectly for a volley... for him to then volley it to the corner flag

Dan H for telling the ref he got a touch so it's a corner... everyone thought it was a goal kick including the oppo

Spaff this off, everyone played well

Drew for letting the ball roll under his foot

The ref for giving them a penalty for a foul well inside our box

Everyone and everything

Drew for trying to kick the ball in the woods twice. Once didn't make it over the fence. The other he had to find the ball in the bush

Tom & Haydn for high fiving each other for blocking a shot, but the ball was still in play

Haydn for massaging his arse with a vibrator before the match

Drew for turning into Bafetimbi Gomis crawling after the ball

BingBong for hoofing all the refs balls into the woods

All memories of the game wiped from memory so nobody knows

Haydn and Tom for watching the ball while holding hands whilst their striker ran in and scored

Paul's shot that swerved to the corner flag

BingBong for fumbling the ball out of play with nobody around him

Sam for not coming to the pub because he had to pack for his holiday in 4 days

Drew for watching the ball roll in his goal from a back pass rather than stopping it

Sam nutmegging Craig and playing in the oppo to score

Tom for not coming to the pub all season

Sam for missing three one-on-ones

Paul for choosing the races on a Tuesday evening

Craig for missing the 1 on 1 with all the time in the world

Sam for attempting to take it round a player but ended up backlheeling it off the pitch

Haydn for getting nutmegged twice by the same player

The oppo's shooting - ref had to switch ends because they ran out of balls

Jack M for heading the ball through to their striker who scored

Drew for passing straight to their player who scored. And also for wearing ankle socks

Drew for passing it straight to Ben on the edge of the area

Haydn tripping over his own feet on the sideline and in front of goal

Jack M for coming onto the pitch and hoofing it over the fence with his first touch

Sam for volleying the ball into orbit

Jack H for assisting the other team

No donkey

Drew for trying to punch a slow moving ball which just rolled in

The ref

Ollie for ice skating in the corner leading to their goal

Drew for hoofing the fence at the end of the game

—

Tom for sending their player for hot dogs and then swinging and missing his shot

Jack M for hitting the post of his own goal with a great strike

Jack C for trying to fuck up a player but injuring himself instead

Drew for making 20 worldie saves then letting the easiest one in

Drew for the clown show across the box trying not to concede a penalty

Craig's swing and miss shot

Tom for losing it on the edge of the area leading to a goal

Sam for missing his penalty

Dan for making the last minute interesting by letting the ball roll under his legs

The ref for being useless as per fucking usual

James's first pass of the ball down the line went out at around the 2m mark

George for hoofing the ball at James after the 3rd goal

Brice for reinventing the goal kick procedure and taking it himself

Joe for kicking the wrong ball and letting Jack through on goal

Piotr for his swan dive 5 minutes after contact

Sam's left foot shot that went for a throw in

Sam for having a hole in is foot from James's pass

Eddie's failed skill that went off the pitch